Friday, September 29, 2017

Mea Culpa, life happens, life changes

WOW! I cannot believe its been this long since I have posted anything! Mea Culpa my lazy ass. 

Really now, things have been happening in my life. The first is the major change in my life is in the form a 5 foot tall work of God. Yep, this self avowed bachelor has fallen hard.  She fills my mind all the time, puts a smile on my face and drives  me crazy!

Next up, I had all I could take of working at Home Depot other than that's where I met Sweet Thang.  Really the pay has not kept up with the rising cost of groceries, gasoline, utilities or healthcare. I'm tired of figuring out what to sell every month to make ends meet. I have been treating looking for a job like a job and it finally paid off. I got a very good job with excellent pay (north of 20 buck an hour) AND I get to buy their product once a month! So...... This coming Monday I get a day of orientation and start work the next day. This place has 12 hour shifts and I do not yet know what my schedule will be. I shocked a manager at Home Depot when I told her I was getting a 32 thousand dollar raise!  I will be working a shift I don't like, overnights, but hey, the pay is good, the benefits are excellent and I get work on machines making my favorite thing....ammo!

Back to Home Depot....I was invited to a store town hall. I went prepared.
When the Store Manager got around to talking about the cost of doing business, I brought up the billions they allow, nationwide, to walk, unpaid for, out the front door. Then asked if HD could tolerate that loss why could they not pay their employees a decent wage. I mean home owners and pro's come to us for information, knowledge and expertise. And we don't make as much as their helpers do. When he then went to lecture me on how to manage my budget, ( after telling me he could not make it on the immense wage he makes) that I needed to balance my wants and needs! I stood up and told him I did not need anyone like him lecturing me, who has managed budgets up to 10 million dollars  and then I walked out of the town hall. AND I did not get fired! Two days later I got the offer (after some tests) from my new employer. I started using up my person time and on the last day I took off, went in and handed in my notice, effective immediately.

Recovery... I had my pseudo knee replacement surgery (pseudo as they dont really replace the knee joint now), and I have had many issues with this damn thing. A year and 5 months later it just starting to feel like it's my knee. Starting to. It still clicks a bit, still has some residual pain, yeah I know it's never going to stop hurting, I still get swelling and occasionally fluid on that knee. I took up walking on a local trail but that aggravated the "new" knee so that had to end. I'll never be able run again or kneel on the surgical knee. Still, it's better than what I had by a large margin. AND I do not take any pain pills any more. I was taking large amounts of prescription pain pills, then the government reduced the maximum dosage so ended up using more just to get by.

New type knee surgery only installs new bearing surfaces in the same old worn out joint. So, you are left with arthritic bone, now with screws in it. The old style replacement actually replaced the entire joint. They basically cut your leg off, installed and upper and lower joint and put it all back together, now they use a jig and trim up the chondriles and then glue and screw some plates on them and then put a hockey puck with a stem on it between the plates to act as cartilage

With the new job, I will be able to buy guns again, buy ammo again, resume prepping, AND get out of this crappy neighborhood!

Oh, did I mention there's a woman in my life?

I'll be back regularly, I promise.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

It's The Little Things

Of all the wondrous things in life to behold I find short women very attractive and alluring and one other short thing really captures my attention. Yeah you guessed it...sawed off shotguns. The look cool, they look bad, the get everyone's attention. and due to unreasonable laws they are, for the most part, illegal. Yes, you can pay for a stamp then pay an outrageous fee to someone  for a gun they have modified. Or, you can pay a higher fee to the USG and make your own. Taxes, fees, records, investigations all because of an arbitrary length. This long is ok, one fraction of an inch shorter and it's illegal. Yes this is one of my usual rants in the vein. Here are some things I find very cool....



Yep, ya gotta love 'em!

Thursday, September 8, 2016

A New Project

Many years ago I bought a gunstock at a gun show. I initially thought it was an M14 E2 stock but now that I'm working on it I realized that it is different form an E2 stock. It IS for a M14 or M1A but it has a couple of differences that make me wonder what the hell it really is.
 First off, it does have a selector cut out plug so it is a military stock. It uses a normal M14 butt plate. The pistol grip has more of a curve to it than an E2 stock does and the butt does not have the swoopyness that an E2 does.

Here is an M14E2

And here is what I have.

Now I suspicion someone has cut off the top of the butt of a real E2 stock as the bottom of the butt has the same profile as that of an E2. There is really not much difference in the pistol grip but there is some. I have posted pictures on to see if anyone there can figure what the hell I have.

I plan on putting my M1A in this and topping it with some nice optics. Optics are stupid expensive anymore so I don't know how that is going work out but it will have some glass on it. For a finish I'm leaning towards a Vietnam era tiger stripe camo. Will I do it with DuraCoat or will it get dipped? I really don't know at this time. I will probable have some nation match work done to the gun.  boring out the flash hider and welding the flash hider and gas regulator assembly into a unit, squaring the receiver(?) and some other things that increase the accuracy of these fine firearms. It already has NM sights but with my aging eyes its time for glass on the beauty.

I'll keep this project post as I go along and actually make some progress.

And by the way, yeah, I know I have been a lazy ass and not post much of anything for a long time. As I say a lot anymore,  life intervenes.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016


Well I have reached a milepost in my life. On the 27 of July I had my right knee replaced. This has been coming for many years now, ever since high school football ruined it. After that cheap shot. I kept active, running, lifting, hunting, fishing, riding ATV's, swimming and fighting. I also worked in the Texas oilfields and one form of construction or another all my life. All this finally took its toll and here I sit, just off the CPM (knee flexor machine) and looking forward to..........Yep, another knee replacement. I have beat up the left knee so bad, taking the load off the right knee, that  it is junk also. So, about the time I am walking good, I go under the knife, vibratory saw and who knows what other tools for the second time.

This all is a lot of pain but the I've been in a lot of pain for many years now. I do look forward to restarting some hobbies and beginning some new ones with the new knees.

Things I have given up over the years due to knee issues:
Motorcycle riding
Professional pyrotechnics
Most shooting

Looking forward to a whole new life !

Saturday, April 2, 2016

For All The Workin' Folk...

An open letter to all the shoe and boot manufacturers,

Writing on behalf of the millions of hard working soles who pound the pavement and concrete of this country every day, bringing pain and discomfort to the very vehicles that allow them to provide for themselves, their families, pay their taxes, take part in life's small pleasures. Yes, I'm writing of foot pain. Many millions of people make a living by walking on concrete and asphalt every day. To make a bad situation even worse is the shoes and boots that are available make the days nearly intolerable.
   Shoe designers, get out of the lab, strap on you finest and spend 40 or 60 hours on concrete. THEN, tell us how good your products are. Come on, with the technology of today, you cannot design a shoe or boot that is comfortable on concrete? You can make shoes that make a person run faster, jump higher and climb better or even look better but have nothing for the common people that work at big box stores, supermarkets, hospitals, construction and many other professions for low to mid level income. Come on Wolverine, Reebok, Nike, Timberland, Thorogood and yes even Redwing should be reading this ( I have a LOT of experience with pain and Redwing boots), come on Carolina, Brahma, New Balance, join in here and design a shoe or boot that provides us with comfort and durability to make our crappy lives with our crappy jobs just a little easier. If you can do this, you will endear yourselves the working men and women of this country.

Friday, March 11, 2016

A Ginger Post

If you are a ginger lover like me you will appreciate this link I'm adding here.

Ah, My kingdom for a freckled ginger lass! Well, a man can dream, can't he?'

Here's milder sampling.......

If these pichures are yourn, tough shit, I stole 'em fare and square.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Feds Burning Cows ALIVE, Torching Homes, Imprisoning Ranchers!

Hypocracy Hard At Work

Just released..... Two weeks after the Hammond family lit a backfire to stop a wildfire (and now serving a second jail sentence for doing so) BLM crews spent two days lighting fires to burn off summer cattle feed and to destroy ranches. Home were burned, cattle were killed and injured and the crews had no regard for human safety.

This is when a couple of sniper teams were needed. This is pure hypocrisy and no one from the BLM has been charged, jailed or even held accountable for this despicable action. If anyone ever sees BLM crews taking part to run ranchers off of the property in this manner, stop, call your buddies and take fucking action. Smoke makes great cover.

Monday, January 4, 2016

New Year House Keeping and My Rant

Well this is always a sad time of the blog roll. I have not been the best at posting on a regular basis for a while now but....... if ya aint posted in a year or so, see ya. Only post once in many, many months, so long. I really like all of these blogs but if they aint into it any more, not my problem. I will miss all of them.

That being said,

In regards to the Oregon situation, Fuck all the libtards, mediajerks and ignorant reporters.

The father and son have been sentenced and served time once. Then the US fucking Government got a hair up their nasty asses and "resentenced" them. So, hell yes, take over some government shit. Show the idiots what the face of home grown terrorism looks like. Now I'm NOT saying the occupiers are terrorists. But the soon to be federal responders will be. Now Oregon is a far stretch for many Patriots, so.... when the lead starts flying in Oregon, let it fly in your own AO. Start your recon now. Get busy, cause fucking every body is tired of the government crap. Non-stop regulations, rules for us and not them, rigged trials, rigged investigations, murderous cops, outlaw federal organizations, Illegal taxation, domestic spying and do I have add an illegal alien in the fucking White House, not to mention the non-stop flood of other aliens and the importation of terrorists from Syria. God Dam, what fucking else do we have to take? The Illegal Alien in the White House is going make some announcement about guns this week. Well, fuck him! Ignore anything he institutes, get on with your life, do your thing just like you have been doing all along. Stand up like a man with a pair of balls and just fucking say NO!

In regard to the Hammonds, they did a prescribed burn and it got out of control but THEY put it out. Then a lightning storm started several fires the joined together to make a major fire. The Hammonds started a back burn to control the major fire. In fsct it worked so damn good it stopped the major fire. For doing this they were changed with arson, called terrorists and fined $400,000 dollars. For doing the right thing they are fined, sentenced, jailed, freed, jailed again and labeled terrorists. So if doing the Right thing, I do believe it time to do another right thing... correct the wrong things, however it must be done.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Missed, dammit!

DAMMIT Allah! My ex-sister-in-law was in the OTHER building! Shit! Got my hopes up when I heard the news. But hell no! Her lying, deceitful ass got to go take refuge in a church. Well, maybe next time.

My brothers ex was working at that center in San Bernardino when the terror attack occurred. Yes, the one that lied to the court, sold my brothers stuff, violated several court orders, one over 100 times, ruined the life of her daughter and that of my brother, psychologically  abused her kids, yeah that one. There is a special place in hell for that evil piece of trash.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Knuckle Who? Standing Where?

I've been away awhile with one thing or another, work, 'shinin' , being broke and miserable, you know that kinda stuff. So, today I was browsing through my bloglist and find the once again Stephen over at Standing Outside Looking In is MIA again and Ken over at Knuckdraggin' My Life Away site does not come up. What gives? Is Stephen having problems with his account again? And about Ken, who the fuck knows, he might have shot someone. Seriously, anyone know what's up? These are two of my favorite bloggers and would like to get the lowdown.

 With the sudden onset of winter that will limit or curtail my, uh, outdoor activities, I'll be posting some more gun article, some more pics of those bitches we cannot live without, some anti- .gov shit, shit and some other shit. Oh yeah, some pics of silencers, sawed-offs, SBR's and other such goodies. And I'm thinking of doing a series on bug out vehicle and such. Studying up on it now!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Ready to Steam

After many months of scraping by I finally did it! There is a bucket in my kitchen with a test run of the precursor to moonshine, called beer, bubbling away. Beer comes from the mash and is the stuff that gets fermented and run through a device. I met a guy at work who is getting ready to do the same thing and after a few meets he asked to come over for the cooking of the mash.
Well, after some long hard thinking I said yes. I'm glad he was here to help with my first effort. Thanks a lot Chris! Now I'm getting anxious to run it off and sample my concoction. I might need a couple days off work to do that..........and recover!

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Speaking Of The Ex....

This was my all time favorite song for the little devil. Still think of her every single time I hear this song. Sure miss that little thang!

Sunday, August 9, 2015


Music has always spoke to me. Many songs seems they have been written for me. So when my wife left me, several songs seemed to relate to her actions or relate to our situation. Lynyrd Skynyrd  has a song called Tuesday's Gone. It was nearly two fucking years before I could hear that song and not burst into tears. Really, big old me, crying. Well, I'm finally over that.

Another was a George Thorogood tune called Sweet Little Lady. I used it for her ring tone, I sang it to her, every time I heard it I was reminded of her. Well, she's not my pride or joy any more.

After two and half years, I can finally listen to all my favorite music, FINALLY. She really broke my heart.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Just Working on Stuff

Between working screwy schedules, keeping up on house work or trying to, mowing mine and the neighbors yards and working on my still and various knife projects I have not have time to post anything on this blog. So sorry. No Really.

I will say this...I am still pissed as fuck about the idiots, morons, libtards and such that have a bee in their bonnet over the Confederate Virginia Battle flag and anything Southern or Confederate. My fervent wish is that one two of these dickheads run into me. I have a LOT of anger built up ( divorce, losing my house to the bitch, being poor, cant find a good paying job, blah, blah, blah) I would be getting free room and board for the next 10 years or so until I meet old sparky. Truthfully, I want a complete separation of the states. Quietly or loudly, I dont give a fuck. Just split off the liberal states or those have northern ideas and get over it. Leave us alone. And dont come visiting either.
Ive got my Quantrills flag flying on the north side of my porch and the Battle flag flying on the South side of my porch. That way the locals, the staters and the feds can know what to expect. I prefer it hard and loud.

As an aside, I am also sick of serving folks who live and work in this country who cannot speak American English.....AT ALL. Every fucking day, Mexicans, Asians want something but they cannot tell me what. It has gone so far that I try to avoid them. Do I feel bad about it? Hell no. Im also tired of the Spanish speakers, when two or more get together, they have speak Spanish. I an sick of hearing Spanish all the fucking time. They use it like a secret code. I meet Slavics and Eastern Europeans that have mostly mastered our language so why the hell cannot the wetbacks and the slopes do it too? I could go on all freaking day about customers in general. I wont do that today. As I have to go back to work in the morning Im trying to go to bed with a good attitude.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

New Header or Just a Good Ol' Fuck You

With all of the bullshit flying about the Naval Jack also known as the Confederate Flag (which it aint) I just HAD to change the banner on this here blog. Ive made my position clear many times on this blog. I feel it is high time for a complete separation of the states. Split the historical South off from the blood sucking heartless north and get on with life. In the Old South, they had a completely integrated society, in the north they had hate, fear, torture and no hearts. And it seem be same to this day. A crazed asshole posed while stoned or drunk or some say coerced in some way, holding a small naval jack.  So the liberal left assholes now have caused Wal-Mart, Target, Amazon, EBay and many other outlets to refuse to sell any more "confederate flag" items. This in turn has led to the defacing of "civil war" monuments all across this country. There is even a call by a former black panther leader to finish killing white slave owners in Charleston. HUH? There are no slave owners in Charleston today. Do you think he just means whitey? Watch the video here. I say bring it on mother fucker.

In an effort to educate some ignorant mother fuckers... here is a Confederate Flag.

This is the Second National flag, final version. 13 stars on blue field with red and white broad stripes. Most folks wouldnt know it if jumped up bit them on the ass.

Here is a Confederate Naval jack. NAVY FLAG!

Just for perspective... here is the Missouri Confederate Battle Flag.

So if the jackasses dont like the Naval Jack then I say...MOVE. Go somewhere else that doesn't have these flags or Southern memorials. Quit looking at them, quit talking about them. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT! Do it peacefully or if you want it loud let is know. I think we could do it right this time.
Here are a few fact in this same vein. You can prove them on your own as Im not footnoting these fact.
1. The KKK used to march under the US flag. It was a recent change to march under the Naval Jack.
2. 300,000 to 1 million blacks supported the Souths cause. Either as non combatants i.e laborers, stablemen, cooks or actual soldiers or footman to soldiers. They came willingly. Millions simply stayed on the farms and plantations and continued to produce crops and herds instead of running to the north. AND may hundreds of times protected the white women and children who were still on the plantation when the northern raiders appeared, bent on retribution. This is hard to prove as the north destroyed nearly ALL records in the South during the war and during the occupation of the South. However some researchers have found much evidence to support these numbers.
3. Every American slave ship was owned by northern businessmen and flagged either under the US flag or  that of the United Kingdom. So it was the north that founded and promoted slavery under the US flag.
4. Every major college In the East was either founded by or built on land donated by slave importers.
5. The northern states were far more racist in their attitude towards people of color. They had laws on the books calling for the beating, maiming and killing of blacks. The South however had laws on the books protecting slaves and calling for the punishment of owners who  abused their, lets be honest here, their servants.
6. The South was a fully integrated society with many free blacks that had farms, plantations and business'. People of all other colors and races were welcome in the South.
 In comparison, the north  hated Jews, Irish, Italians, Indians, Catholics and anyone who wasnt WASP...White Anglo Saxton Protestant. (Do some research on Irish slavery in the US for a real eye opener. You dont hear the Irish calling reparations or calling for the death of all business owners. )
For many books with eye opening facts with documentation go to
One book which has many facts and images is called "Everything you were taught about American slavery is wrong, just ask a southerner" It a very long read, tracing slavery back from ancient times to the current day. Quite a tome but worth the read.
As far as the term of "servant" goes...most Southern Plantation servants received a small remuneration for their work. They were also given land on which to raise gardens and livestock for themselves to eat or sell as they deemed fit. They were given most Saturdays and Sundays off to do as they pleased such as go hunting, fishing,  or even put on their finery and go to town.
At the Carnton Plantation house in Tennessee, at the back of the house you can see a stepping stone, with a grove worn it from countless foot falls upon it. Open that back door it leads to and what do you see? A small room that was the paymasters office. Yes the slaves appeared each week to receive a small envelope with their stipend inside.
Here is a picture of the servants quarters at Carnton. Hell, Id live there!
Was this typical of the South? Probably not. Is this proof of the decent treatment of the servants in the South? Most likely. A Southern Slave was guaranteed cradle to grave, clothing, medical care, jobs, wages, entertainment. Was there punishment for wrongs? Yes. For everyone. In that time whipping was the most common legal punishment for everyone by law. Those heavy handed overseers we keep hearing about? 99 percent were black men employed by the plantations.
Do your own research and see what life was really like in the old South for Blacks as well as Whites.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

New Venture

Well, after a many years and after many drawings and after many reading, I'm building a...well never mind what I'm building. It's legal in my state and I'll leave it at that. Been spending my spare time and dollars working on it. A few more bucks and a few more hours and it'll be done! I'm really getting jazzed about this and I glad to be doing it after so many years of thinking about it. My ex even used it as one of the many excuses for leaving me( one of many, many, many).


Tuesday, May 12, 2015


Yes, I'm tired. Tired of this current life of mine, tired of women, tired of politics, tired of working, tired of prepping, tired of most everything.

Tired of this current life of mine.
   I cannot find a decent job. I make decent money (for this day anyway)  but the hours suck. Open, close, mid-day they all get mixed up until I don't know what day it is. Broke all the time. I don't mean got a 1000 bucks broke , I mean I've got 10 dollars broke. Lonely all the time. Can't afford to go anywhere do anything, buy anything. And cannot find another job. Constant pain and discomfort. I have to work just to survive but that cuts me out of disability. Now, If I have disability, I can get a job, If I have a job I cannot get disability. FUCK! I make insurance payments yet cannot afford the out of pocket expense or put back enough money to live on while I'm off work for surgery.
Cannot afford to make repairs to my truck or my Harley. so the truck gets ignored and the Harley sits, waiting on parts and repairs, I have given up most of my hobbies due to physical problems. Basically, I work and go home and watch TV. And mow because I have too

Tired of women.
   Yep, fed up to here with them. The love of my life divorced me with no notice, no discussion, no nothing just gone. She took the house I paid for with MY 401K and  I did ALL the work on. She will take 1/2 of my union retirement. And she took one of my best friends as her new husband. I have had one date in the last year and she ranted for 2.5 hours about her ex. I cut dinner short and dumped her at her door, I recently asked a co-worker to go to a concert with me. I got the standard female response...Uhm, I don't know, let me think about it.  I cannot get any hits on ANY online dating site. I treat women good, respect them, honor them, look after them and protect them but I guess that is not good enough so, the hell with them.

Tired of politics
    They all tell the same story. And they are ALL LIARS! It's high time for the revolution from my perspective. The soap box and ballot box have failed so it's high time for the cartridge box. Time for a change. They had it right back in 1861.

Tired of working.
Do not get me wrong, I am one of those folks who really like to work. But, I do not like working for no gain. As in, I'm stagnating. I do not like retail at all. I do not make enough dough to do anything, go anywhere, do anything. I work in constant pain, and I'm under the effect of a handful of medication all the time.

Tired of prepping.
   I have prepped for years. Have put vast amounts of dollars into it. Yet now I'm alone, in a big city and no prospect for a bug out location or a group to join. I have had to eat most of my prep foods just to survive recently. I cannot afford to buy ammo anymore so I do not shoot anymore. At this time prepping seems pointless. I'm alone in a major city with nowhere to go to. So what's the fucking point? Shoot until I'm out of ammo then die in place I guess.

Tired of Most everything.

Nothing has any flavor anymore. Dull, lifeless. I have a type A personality. I like dangerous hobbies, Shooting, driving fast, motorcycling, biker bars, pyrotechnics, explosions, making things out metal and wood, riding ATV's.  Since the old lady split, nothing brings me happiness. Life has a fog over it.
The News is a drag, no REAL news, no REAL investigations. I'm tired of groups trying to remove all monuments to the soldiers and leaders of the South from the time of Lincolns War. Like the jackasses at the Washington and Lee College that had the Confederate flags removed from Robert E. Lees Tomb. For crying out loud, he was a major General for the South and fought for the Confederacy! And he was a founder  of that college. AND those jackasses CHOSE to go to THAT college.  Now dickheads are trying to remove Jefferson Davis's statue from the University of Texas. Let's see, Texas was a member of the Confederacy, right? And Jeff was President of said Confederacy, correct? Yet these misguided fools choose to ignore the fact that most major Eastern colleges were either founded by or had the land granted by, slave importers, ignore the fact that Lincoln was a liar, a murderer, destroyed the Constitution and started a war just to expand the federal governments power. I guess I'm just tired of revisionist history. It seems that a lot of stuff pisses me off anymore and I get little enjoyment from anything.

I'm hoping that my outlook will change, that I can improve my income, that my health issues will get better. I'm not hoping for a change in my outlook on women. They can thank themselves for that.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Are Changes Coming To Gun Laws?

This a an article about something near and dear to my heart. Short barreled shotguns and the ridiculous regulations that have been applied to them.
  I found this over on Sipsey Street this morning and found it interesting because of all the good folks that have been persecuted over short barreled shotguns over the years. A big bore pistol is OK but a shotgun the same size as the pistol is not? Sheer lunacy! A gun is a gun is a gun. 

Take read of this and see what you think of the issue.

Really though, these are just fucking cool.......

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Just A Little Rage

I clock out of work hurtin' and ready for a little Turkey. I pulled up to the stop light in the outer left turn lane. There is a blue Ford Ranger extend cab next to me in the inner lane. The green light appears and I hit the gas, only to have to grab the fucking brakes and the little shit driving the Ford has mad an unannounced lane change. Seem he really wanted to be in the outer lane and decided to go there mid turn. Never mind that I was were he wanted to be. SHIT! I cobbed the brakes and laid into the horn. Dickhead looked over and fucking grinned and his passengers laughed. Well, that only ignited my familial blood lust. Yes, little ol' me is a berserker from the past. Seriously, I feel no pain, I'm working on instinct, I out think my opponent, beat them to the punch, out maneuver them and it seem like someone else is committing all the mayhem. So, I get lined up, the make the lane change and I floor the old truck and pass them at high speed and enter the right turn land and then pull on to the shoulder and get out of my truck. The little pussy would not even pull his truck up and closer. He blocked traffic and risked the wrath of the multitude of drivers behind his rather than face me. What a downer. I was  working on releasing the inner demon and then nothing.  Zip.  I must be getting old, 'cause not to long ago I would have strolled on down to his truck pulled his ass out and delivered a world class ass whooping and never know I was doing it. And I would have felt no regret for doing it as it would not have been me doing it. It would have been that other guy, that one that dwells deep inside me, waiting to be called forth to do battle for me.

Seriously, when my blood gets up, I become another person, people who have seen me say that I change. And I can say this honestly, I have never been beaten. Bars to streets, to jobsites. The inner guy always wins. When I was younger I used to black out in those situation and would come to only to see destruction. When I got older I learned to control the blackout and step out side my body and observe all that was going on. Cold, dark, rage, hate. That is all that is felt in those spells. It is is a family trait. My Father had it, I, my brother and my sister have it. I do know if anyone in our family past had it but I feel sure that somewhere in sometime long ago there were relatives with the Germans, Highlanders, the Vikings, or some other warlike tribe or clan, we had family. Family who passed this terrible inner warrior down to future relatives.