Tired

Yes, I'm tired. Tired of this current life of mine, tired of women, tired of politics, tired of working, tired of prepping, tired of most everything.

Tired of this current life of mine.
   I cannot find a decent job. I make decent money (for this day anyway)  but the hours suck. Open, close, mid-day they all get mixed up until I don't know what day it is. Broke all the time. I don't mean got a 1000 bucks broke , I mean I've got 10 dollars broke. Lonely all the time. Can't afford to go anywhere do anything, buy anything. And cannot find another job. Constant pain and discomfort. I have to work just to survive but that cuts me out of disability. Now, If I have disability, I can get a job, If I have a job I cannot get disability. FUCK! I make insurance payments yet cannot afford the out of pocket expense or put back enough money to live on while I'm off work for surgery.
Cannot afford to make repairs to my truck or my Harley. so the truck gets ignored and the Harley sits, waiting on parts and repairs, I have given up most of my hobbies due to physical problems. Basically, I work and go home and watch TV. And mow because I have too

Tired of women.
   Yep, fed up to here with them. The love of my life divorced me with no notice, no discussion, no nothing just gone. She took the house I paid for with MY 401K and  I did ALL the work on. She will take 1/2 of my union retirement. And she took one of my best friends as her new husband. I have had one date in the last year and she ranted for 2.5 hours about her ex. I cut dinner short and dumped her at her door, I recently asked a co-worker to go to a concert with me. I got the standard female response...Uhm, I don't know, let me think about it.  I cannot get any hits on ANY online dating site. I treat women good, respect them, honor them, look after them and protect them but I guess that is not good enough so, the hell with them.

Tired of politics
    They all tell the same story. And they are ALL LIARS! It's high time for the revolution from my perspective. The soap box and ballot box have failed so it's high time for the cartridge box. Time for a change. They had it right back in 1861.

Tired of working.
Do not get me wrong, I am one of those folks who really like to work. But, I do not like working for no gain. As in, I'm stagnating. I do not like retail at all. I do not make enough dough to do anything, go anywhere, do anything. I work in constant pain, and I'm under the effect of a handful of medication all the time.

Tired of prepping.
   I have prepped for years. Have put vast amounts of dollars into it. Yet now I'm alone, in a big city and no prospect for a bug out location or a group to join. I have had to eat most of my prep foods just to survive recently. I cannot afford to buy ammo anymore so I do not shoot anymore. At this time prepping seems pointless. I'm alone in a major city with nowhere to go to. So what's the fucking point? Shoot until I'm out of ammo then die in place I guess.

Tired of Most everything.

Nothing has any flavor anymore. Dull, lifeless. I have a type A personality. I like dangerous hobbies, Shooting, driving fast, motorcycling, biker bars, pyrotechnics, explosions, making things out metal and wood, riding ATV's.  Since the old lady split, nothing brings me happiness. Life has a fog over it.
The News is a drag, no REAL news, no REAL investigations. I'm tired of groups trying to remove all monuments to the soldiers and leaders of the South from the time of Lincolns War. Like the jackasses at the Washington and Lee College that had the Confederate flags removed from Robert E. Lees Tomb. For crying out loud, he was a major General for the South and fought for the Confederacy! And he was a founder  of that college. AND those jackasses CHOSE to go to THAT college.  Now dickheads are trying to remove Jefferson Davis's statue from the University of Texas. Let's see, Texas was a member of the Confederacy, right? And Jeff was President of said Confederacy, correct? Yet these misguided fools choose to ignore the fact that most major Eastern colleges were either founded by or had the land granted by, slave importers, ignore the fact that Lincoln was a liar, a murderer, destroyed the Constitution and started a war just to expand the federal governments power. I guess I'm just tired of revisionist history. It seems that a lot of stuff pisses me off anymore and I get little enjoyment from anything.

I'm hoping that my outlook will change, that I can improve my income, that my health issues will get better. I'm not hoping for a change in my outlook on women. They can thank themselves for that.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

Yesterday I and my lawyer lady attended an administrative hearing for an appeal of my disability claim. After my original claim was sent in the State sent me to 2 different doctors, a hearing doc and a physical diagnostics doc. Before the hearing my lawyer and I were having a conference and I got to read the reports the state docs submitted. Was I shocked ? Yes was I pissed off? Very. During the diagnostics evaluation I fell during one test and had to have assistance to get up from the squatting test. The lying little bitch of an imported doctor failed to mention those VERY important items. To Evaluate my walking she made me walk in the exam room. I had room for all of two steps. My walking was evaluated on TWO fucking steps. She was shocked at my blood pressure but failed to write that into the evaluation too.
  The next doctor I went to was a hearing doc. After the battery of noises, sounds and words I was told that I have significant  high level hearing loss. The report however, states that I have no hearing problem. Tell that to my wife. She is listed with Social Security as the official listener for me as I can't hear jack on a phone. But I have no hearing problems.
   So that bring me to the only person presenting evidence that was not lying. Me. Since I have very few medical records the Judge said he would have to rely on my testimony  to make his judgement. After his Q&A session he told me that I was a very credible witness and that would place great weight in my favor. He then asked the occupational specialist to consider a hypothetical person fitting my general description, education and medical condition. She kept naming jobs and he kept adding infirmities to the fictional  man. They funnelled the possible jobs down to three very menial jobs. The Judge then asked her to include the fictional persons medication response of sleeping for two or three hours. She responded that the person was unemployable.
   So now I have to get my personal doctor to fill out a form and then the Judge will render a decision on my claim. Whew!
   When I approached the Social Security door I saw the NO WEAPONS sign and just about shit my britches. I had 3 different knives in my pockets. I entered and asked the guard if I could leave them at his desk and then found that SS would not let him do that. He kindly suggested that I find a place in the building to stash them or ask the lobby desk to hold them. He also said this was a common occurrence. I jumped on a downward elevator and found the bathroom. After a quick look around  I stashed my knives in the sanitary seat cover dispenser. I lifted the box up and place the knives on the bottom of the stainless steel box and replaced the cardboard box. Three freaking hours later I retrieved my goods.
   I have a visit set up with my doctor So we can discuss my situation. We'll see what comes about.