Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Speaking Of The Ex....
This was my all time favorite song for the little devil. Still think of her every single time I hear this song. Sure miss that little thang!
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Finally
Another was a George Thorogood tune called Sweet Little Lady. I used it for her ring tone, I sang it to her, every time I heard it I was reminded of her. Well, she's not my pride or joy any more.
After two and half years, I can finally listen to all my favorite music, FINALLY. She really broke my heart.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Tired
Yes, I'm tired. Tired of this current life of mine, tired of women, tired of politics, tired of working, tired of prepping, tired of most everything.
Tired of this current life of mine.
I cannot find a decent job. I make decent money (for this day anyway) but the hours suck. Open, close, mid-day they all get mixed up until I don't know what day it is. Broke all the time. I don't mean got a 1000 bucks broke , I mean I've got 10 dollars broke. Lonely all the time. Can't afford to go anywhere do anything, buy anything. And cannot find another job. Constant pain and discomfort. I have to work just to survive but that cuts me out of disability. Now, If I have disability, I can get a job, If I have a job I cannot get disability. FUCK! I make insurance payments yet cannot afford the out of pocket expense or put back enough money to live on while I'm off work for surgery.
Cannot afford to make repairs to my truck or my Harley. so the truck gets ignored and the Harley sits, waiting on parts and repairs, I have given up most of my hobbies due to physical problems. Basically, I work and go home and watch TV. And mow because I have too
Tired of women.
Yep, fed up to here with them. The love of my life divorced me with no notice, no discussion, no nothing just gone. She took the house I paid for with MY 401K and I did ALL the work on. She will take 1/2 of my union retirement. And she took one of my best friends as her new husband. I have had one date in the last year and she ranted for 2.5 hours about her ex. I cut dinner short and dumped her at her door, I recently asked a co-worker to go to a concert with me. I got the standard female response...Uhm, I don't know, let me think about it. I cannot get any hits on ANY online dating site. I treat women good, respect them, honor them, look after them and protect them but I guess that is not good enough so, the hell with them.
Tired of politics
They all tell the same story. And they are ALL LIARS! It's high time for the revolution from my perspective. The soap box and ballot box have failed so it's high time for the cartridge box. Time for a change. They had it right back in 1861.
Tired of working.
Do not get me wrong, I am one of those folks who really like to work. But, I do not like working for no gain. As in, I'm stagnating. I do not like retail at all. I do not make enough dough to do anything, go anywhere, do anything. I work in constant pain, and I'm under the effect of a handful of medication all the time.
Tired of prepping.
I have prepped for years. Have put vast amounts of dollars into it. Yet now I'm alone, in a big city and no prospect for a bug out location or a group to join. I have had to eat most of my prep foods just to survive recently. I cannot afford to buy ammo anymore so I do not shoot anymore. At this time prepping seems pointless. I'm alone in a major city with nowhere to go to. So what's the fucking point? Shoot until I'm out of ammo then die in place I guess.
Tired of Most everything.
Nothing has any flavor anymore. Dull, lifeless. I have a type A personality. I like dangerous hobbies, Shooting, driving fast, motorcycling, biker bars, pyrotechnics, explosions, making things out metal and wood, riding ATV's. Since the old lady split, nothing brings me happiness. Life has a fog over it.
The News is a drag, no REAL news, no REAL investigations. I'm tired of groups trying to remove all monuments to the soldiers and leaders of the South from the time of Lincolns War. Like the jackasses at the Washington and Lee College that had the Confederate flags removed from Robert E. Lees Tomb. For crying out loud, he was a major General for the South and fought for the Confederacy! And he was a founder of that college. AND those jackasses CHOSE to go to THAT college. Now dickheads are trying to remove Jefferson Davis's statue from the University of Texas. Let's see, Texas was a member of the Confederacy, right? And Jeff was President of said Confederacy, correct? Yet these misguided fools choose to ignore the fact that most major Eastern colleges were either founded by or had the land granted by, slave importers, ignore the fact that Lincoln was a liar, a murderer, destroyed the Constitution and started a war just to expand the federal governments power. I guess I'm just tired of revisionist history. It seems that a lot of stuff pisses me off anymore and I get little enjoyment from anything.
I'm hoping that my outlook will change, that I can improve my income, that my health issues will get better. I'm not hoping for a change in my outlook on women. They can thank themselves for that.
Tired of this current life of mine.
I cannot find a decent job. I make decent money (for this day anyway) but the hours suck. Open, close, mid-day they all get mixed up until I don't know what day it is. Broke all the time. I don't mean got a 1000 bucks broke , I mean I've got 10 dollars broke. Lonely all the time. Can't afford to go anywhere do anything, buy anything. And cannot find another job. Constant pain and discomfort. I have to work just to survive but that cuts me out of disability. Now, If I have disability, I can get a job, If I have a job I cannot get disability. FUCK! I make insurance payments yet cannot afford the out of pocket expense or put back enough money to live on while I'm off work for surgery.
Cannot afford to make repairs to my truck or my Harley. so the truck gets ignored and the Harley sits, waiting on parts and repairs, I have given up most of my hobbies due to physical problems. Basically, I work and go home and watch TV. And mow because I have too
Tired of women.
Yep, fed up to here with them. The love of my life divorced me with no notice, no discussion, no nothing just gone. She took the house I paid for with MY 401K and I did ALL the work on. She will take 1/2 of my union retirement. And she took one of my best friends as her new husband. I have had one date in the last year and she ranted for 2.5 hours about her ex. I cut dinner short and dumped her at her door, I recently asked a co-worker to go to a concert with me. I got the standard female response...Uhm, I don't know, let me think about it. I cannot get any hits on ANY online dating site. I treat women good, respect them, honor them, look after them and protect them but I guess that is not good enough so, the hell with them.
Tired of politics
They all tell the same story. And they are ALL LIARS! It's high time for the revolution from my perspective. The soap box and ballot box have failed so it's high time for the cartridge box. Time for a change. They had it right back in 1861.
Tired of working.
Do not get me wrong, I am one of those folks who really like to work. But, I do not like working for no gain. As in, I'm stagnating. I do not like retail at all. I do not make enough dough to do anything, go anywhere, do anything. I work in constant pain, and I'm under the effect of a handful of medication all the time.
Tired of prepping.
I have prepped for years. Have put vast amounts of dollars into it. Yet now I'm alone, in a big city and no prospect for a bug out location or a group to join. I have had to eat most of my prep foods just to survive recently. I cannot afford to buy ammo anymore so I do not shoot anymore. At this time prepping seems pointless. I'm alone in a major city with nowhere to go to. So what's the fucking point? Shoot until I'm out of ammo then die in place I guess.
Tired of Most everything.
Nothing has any flavor anymore. Dull, lifeless. I have a type A personality. I like dangerous hobbies, Shooting, driving fast, motorcycling, biker bars, pyrotechnics, explosions, making things out metal and wood, riding ATV's. Since the old lady split, nothing brings me happiness. Life has a fog over it.
The News is a drag, no REAL news, no REAL investigations. I'm tired of groups trying to remove all monuments to the soldiers and leaders of the South from the time of Lincolns War. Like the jackasses at the Washington and Lee College that had the Confederate flags removed from Robert E. Lees Tomb. For crying out loud, he was a major General for the South and fought for the Confederacy! And he was a founder of that college. AND those jackasses CHOSE to go to THAT college. Now dickheads are trying to remove Jefferson Davis's statue from the University of Texas. Let's see, Texas was a member of the Confederacy, right? And Jeff was President of said Confederacy, correct? Yet these misguided fools choose to ignore the fact that most major Eastern colleges were either founded by or had the land granted by, slave importers, ignore the fact that Lincoln was a liar, a murderer, destroyed the Constitution and started a war just to expand the federal governments power. I guess I'm just tired of revisionist history. It seems that a lot of stuff pisses me off anymore and I get little enjoyment from anything.
I'm hoping that my outlook will change, that I can improve my income, that my health issues will get better. I'm not hoping for a change in my outlook on women. They can thank themselves for that.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Partners?
As most of my readers know I am recently divorced from a 30 year marriage and a 32 year relationship.
I read a lot of blogs but Survival Blog is how I start my day. That site has posted a couple of letters that got me to thinking.
Here is the most recent post and this is the one that got my mind engaged.
My thoughts on this subject...
I didn't know it but I have been a prepper for a long time. Guns, ammo, tools, first aid equipment. I used to keep myself in really good shape to, just so I could handle anything that came my way.
Then when I saw many articles about a worldwide shortage of rice in 2006 I really spun up the prepper activities. I showed my wife these article and she did a little searching on her own. The next week we went to Sam's Club and bought as much rice as we could. Then we got some food grade buckets form a BBQ joint, we ordered some Mylar bags and located a source for dry ice. When all was assembled we packaged up the rice in Mylar bags and buckets, labeled then and stored them in a cool dry location. After that it was well, if rice can get in short supply so can many other things. That begat the buying frenzy of sugar, flour, beans, spices, vitamins, bullion, peanut butter, olive oil and a myriad other items. Then IT happened. Under the auspices of the Bush II regime the economy flagged. Bush lost the election to a foreign invader and person of questionable birth and the economy tanked. The industry I had worked in all my life was nearly shuttered. Mid level construction management all but disappeared. Openings for a high school educated person with a lot of experience DID disappear. My formerly robust salary went down to unemployment wages. And stayed there for a long time. I did lawn work and finally got a gig running a 4 unit apartment complex in a crappy part of the town we lived in. During all this time and prior to the end of my employment we moved out of the house we had spent 25 years in. I cashed out my dwindling 401K and bought a foreclose house. So while cutting lawns, evicting dead beat tenants and rehabbing an old apartment building, I took on the rehab of the house we had just bought. And I gotta tell ya it needed a lot of work. I literally worked my self to the bone. Good wife was plugging away in the insurance industry and had to make a sudden change in job as her boss lady had to suddenly retire. She took a large income reduction there. Moving on, the apartment owner who lived in Kalifornia did not understand about cold weather or old building or that the salary he was paying me would not allow my to finance his repairs and would not understand so the job came to an end. Now I was rehabbing my house full time. I made very nice changes to the place and my wife and I worked a team designing and implement the changes. We ended up with a nice master bedroom and bath, a cool home office, a tasteful guest bedroom, a killer kitchen and a very cool dining room. Then the 401k money ran out. I got a job at a pawn shop for minimum wage. During all this time and hard work my junk knee got worse and I stared having other muscular/skeletal issues. We had no health coverage, we had little money for more house repairs. Then her mother died. The mother she had not spoken to in 5 or 6 years. When she got cancer, my wife rekindled her relationship with her mom. I didn't. The woman hated me and I hated her. I did attend the funeral as gesture of good will toward my wife. As we had a limited income the house rehabbing stopped. And Little Miss Gotta Do Something started attendding events with hers sister and her girlfriends. The next hammer hit us. I lost my job at the pawn shop due to side effect of the many medications I was taking. This was a scheduled event not an out of the blue thing. On my way home my wife called me and said, "Don't be surprised when you get home but I moved out". Now, during my employment at the pawn shop she had left for 3 weeks and could not give a reason for doing so. After a dinner together and discussing her nonsensical claims, she moved back in.
For the last 8 years I had spoiled her. I was doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, lawn work, home repairs and vehicle maintenance as well as shoveling the mountains of snow we were getting at the time.
Every afternoon she called me with her supper order. Or I would surprise her with something. Her friend, co-workers and bosses were all flabbergasted that big ol' biker me was doing all this. In the evenings all she had to do was put on her "comfy clothes" and read, watch TV or play on her laptop. So I was really rocked when she told me she had "lost herself".
Then the real reason came out, I was turning into my father. This is the man she spent many hours with when I moved to Texas out of High School. He was her buddy. Then his health went to crap. And admittedly he became somewhat of a hypochondriac. My wife said many times that she didn't know if my step mom was a saint or just stupid. Dear wifey forgot that her mother did not leave her step dad when he became ill, her father did not leave his longtime girlfriend when she got cancer, she bad mouthed a woman we knew after she left her husband for having the affront to get cancer. Then the man who was her buddy, the man she bad mouthed for his health issues, died. In the end, she left because I could not get a job making the money I used to make and she ended up being the primary wage earner. There were may thing that went on other than what I have disclosed here but the fact is money or no, she had a good life that may women would love to have.
I had to split my tools with her, she got the house I paid for and labored over, emptied the bank account she was to turn over to me, left me with paying for things I don't have, sold all my stuff that was not out the day of the divorce and moved a man in with her that same week. So, let me say this, you never know who a woman is. Deep in the hearts of many of them lurks a dark evil creature that will break your heart, ruin your life and call it fair. My prepping is on hold until I can improve my income and I have no desire to start a meaningful relationship with a woman. At least I now know who she really is. And I have a better understanding of who I am.
I read a lot of blogs but Survival Blog is how I start my day. That site has posted a couple of letters that got me to thinking.
Here is the most recent post and this is the one that got my mind engaged.
My thoughts on this subject...
I didn't know it but I have been a prepper for a long time. Guns, ammo, tools, first aid equipment. I used to keep myself in really good shape to, just so I could handle anything that came my way.
Then when I saw many articles about a worldwide shortage of rice in 2006 I really spun up the prepper activities. I showed my wife these article and she did a little searching on her own. The next week we went to Sam's Club and bought as much rice as we could. Then we got some food grade buckets form a BBQ joint, we ordered some Mylar bags and located a source for dry ice. When all was assembled we packaged up the rice in Mylar bags and buckets, labeled then and stored them in a cool dry location. After that it was well, if rice can get in short supply so can many other things. That begat the buying frenzy of sugar, flour, beans, spices, vitamins, bullion, peanut butter, olive oil and a myriad other items. Then IT happened. Under the auspices of the Bush II regime the economy flagged. Bush lost the election to a foreign invader and person of questionable birth and the economy tanked. The industry I had worked in all my life was nearly shuttered. Mid level construction management all but disappeared. Openings for a high school educated person with a lot of experience DID disappear. My formerly robust salary went down to unemployment wages. And stayed there for a long time. I did lawn work and finally got a gig running a 4 unit apartment complex in a crappy part of the town we lived in. During all this time and prior to the end of my employment we moved out of the house we had spent 25 years in. I cashed out my dwindling 401K and bought a foreclose house. So while cutting lawns, evicting dead beat tenants and rehabbing an old apartment building, I took on the rehab of the house we had just bought. And I gotta tell ya it needed a lot of work. I literally worked my self to the bone. Good wife was plugging away in the insurance industry and had to make a sudden change in job as her boss lady had to suddenly retire. She took a large income reduction there. Moving on, the apartment owner who lived in Kalifornia did not understand about cold weather or old building or that the salary he was paying me would not allow my to finance his repairs and would not understand so the job came to an end. Now I was rehabbing my house full time. I made very nice changes to the place and my wife and I worked a team designing and implement the changes. We ended up with a nice master bedroom and bath, a cool home office, a tasteful guest bedroom, a killer kitchen and a very cool dining room. Then the 401k money ran out. I got a job at a pawn shop for minimum wage. During all this time and hard work my junk knee got worse and I stared having other muscular/skeletal issues. We had no health coverage, we had little money for more house repairs. Then her mother died. The mother she had not spoken to in 5 or 6 years. When she got cancer, my wife rekindled her relationship with her mom. I didn't. The woman hated me and I hated her. I did attend the funeral as gesture of good will toward my wife. As we had a limited income the house rehabbing stopped. And Little Miss Gotta Do Something started attendding events with hers sister and her girlfriends. The next hammer hit us. I lost my job at the pawn shop due to side effect of the many medications I was taking. This was a scheduled event not an out of the blue thing. On my way home my wife called me and said, "Don't be surprised when you get home but I moved out". Now, during my employment at the pawn shop she had left for 3 weeks and could not give a reason for doing so. After a dinner together and discussing her nonsensical claims, she moved back in.
For the last 8 years I had spoiled her. I was doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, lawn work, home repairs and vehicle maintenance as well as shoveling the mountains of snow we were getting at the time.
Every afternoon she called me with her supper order. Or I would surprise her with something. Her friend, co-workers and bosses were all flabbergasted that big ol' biker me was doing all this. In the evenings all she had to do was put on her "comfy clothes" and read, watch TV or play on her laptop. So I was really rocked when she told me she had "lost herself".
Then the real reason came out, I was turning into my father. This is the man she spent many hours with when I moved to Texas out of High School. He was her buddy. Then his health went to crap. And admittedly he became somewhat of a hypochondriac. My wife said many times that she didn't know if my step mom was a saint or just stupid. Dear wifey forgot that her mother did not leave her step dad when he became ill, her father did not leave his longtime girlfriend when she got cancer, she bad mouthed a woman we knew after she left her husband for having the affront to get cancer. Then the man who was her buddy, the man she bad mouthed for his health issues, died. In the end, she left because I could not get a job making the money I used to make and she ended up being the primary wage earner. There were may thing that went on other than what I have disclosed here but the fact is money or no, she had a good life that may women would love to have.
I had to split my tools with her, she got the house I paid for and labored over, emptied the bank account she was to turn over to me, left me with paying for things I don't have, sold all my stuff that was not out the day of the divorce and moved a man in with her that same week. So, let me say this, you never know who a woman is. Deep in the hearts of many of them lurks a dark evil creature that will break your heart, ruin your life and call it fair. My prepping is on hold until I can improve my income and I have no desire to start a meaningful relationship with a woman. At least I now know who she really is. And I have a better understanding of who I am.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Another Life
Today I write this from my new house and write as a single man with no marital obligations. Bright and early this morning I made an appearance in divorce court. Very quick, entirely too quick for the dissolution of a 30 year union, 15 minutes, a couple of signatures and its over. Well, now that it is over I start my new life. I'm living in a city I said I would never live in, using services I said I would never use and putting prepping and such on the back burner due to lack of space. I'm trying to fit 25 gallons of crap into a 5 gallon bucket here.
I will work on organizing this chaotic mess, get my finances in order, let my heart heal a little and decide whether I can trust a woman again. So onward and forward. Oh yeah, today I picked up an application for a new job at a hardware store. So maybe there will be changes on that front too!
I will work on organizing this chaotic mess, get my finances in order, let my heart heal a little and decide whether I can trust a woman again. So onward and forward. Oh yeah, today I picked up an application for a new job at a hardware store. So maybe there will be changes on that front too!
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come
Today I started packing for the next phase in my life. Damn I have a lot of kitchen stuff. That's what got packed today. A little every day and it will be done. Thankfully a lot of my stuff is already in boxes of one kind or another. I also got all my bullets, powder and primers boxed up. For the first time in my life I will be living in a major city. This may be the thing that lets me get ahead spiritually and financially.
In addition to the house, I found that the city has a program where they clean up crappy property and offer it to neighboring people at a dirt cheap rate. This house has a vacant lot next to it that the city owns and after I get my utilities turned on and pass a background check I can buy this 1500 square foot lot for the astounding sum of, wait for it, Seventy Five Dollars! That's right 75 bucks. Big enough I can put in a nice garden and later build a good size shed/garage at the back of the lot. Even though I have always said I would never live in a big city this may be a very good deal. Pictures to come!
In addition to the house, I found that the city has a program where they clean up crappy property and offer it to neighboring people at a dirt cheap rate. This house has a vacant lot next to it that the city owns and after I get my utilities turned on and pass a background check I can buy this 1500 square foot lot for the astounding sum of, wait for it, Seventy Five Dollars! That's right 75 bucks. Big enough I can put in a nice garden and later build a good size shed/garage at the back of the lot. Even though I have always said I would never live in a big city this may be a very good deal. Pictures to come!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I'm Still Around
Well Irish wanted to know how I was doing so here it goes. With all that is on my mind, bearing down on my shoulders and with a busted heart to boot, I'm not doing bad. Yeah I have some anger and a lot of frustration too. But in the end things will work out, I hope. I still have not found a place to keep my Harley, tools and outdoor gear. I spoke to an individual I have done business with in the past about renting some garage space for non commercial use. The price wasn't bad, if you wanted to run a business out of the place or you had a good income. On a low income personal use basis however, the price was far to high. I am going to pitch an idea to the man about splitting the space in two as well as splitting the price in half. That would give me a powered garage to keep the bike and other items in, a space to use for a workshop and a space to use for vehicle repairs and whatnot. I need to re-evaluate my ever changing budget and see if I can find a budget line for this garage.
My soon to be ex-wife and I are trying to work out the details of her piss poor decision so we can refrain from using a lawyers at multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. It does get rancorous at times but progress is being made. If you can call splitting up after 30 years, progress.
If I can find a place for my things, I'd be doing OK, that's it just OK. I must find a way to trim my monthly budget but it's already pretty skinny. Do I cut back on the grocery budget or quit seeing a doctor? It's those kind of decisions that fuel my anger and desolation.
So there it is, I'm still here, just got a lot on my mind anymore. Rest assured, I am still reading all you inspiring writings and they lift my spirits. So keep up the good work!
On a brighter note, my son and his family came into town for a couple days. we spent a lot of time together last night and then had a nice lunch at the local barbeque joint. Man last night I had so much fun playing with my 18 month old grand daughter. She is a riot! Happy, smart, cunning and cute as a bugs ear to boot. My mother, her great grannie, gave her a bag of chocolate filled Vienna wafer type cookies last night. After she chewed on a couple she sat down at her mommas foot and while great grannie and I spied on her, she proceeded to open every single cookie, one at a time and eat the chocolate filling. She would then place the empty cookie slabs to the side, give a furtive upward glance at her mom, to see if she had been caught and then proceed to the next cookie. Needless to say, a half hour later her spring unwound! I chased her, flew her around the room and had a good time in general for about two hours. When they left for the evening the little girl was still going strong!
My soon to be ex-wife and I are trying to work out the details of her piss poor decision so we can refrain from using a lawyers at multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. It does get rancorous at times but progress is being made. If you can call splitting up after 30 years, progress.
If I can find a place for my things, I'd be doing OK, that's it just OK. I must find a way to trim my monthly budget but it's already pretty skinny. Do I cut back on the grocery budget or quit seeing a doctor? It's those kind of decisions that fuel my anger and desolation.
So there it is, I'm still here, just got a lot on my mind anymore. Rest assured, I am still reading all you inspiring writings and they lift my spirits. So keep up the good work!
On a brighter note, my son and his family came into town for a couple days. we spent a lot of time together last night and then had a nice lunch at the local barbeque joint. Man last night I had so much fun playing with my 18 month old grand daughter. She is a riot! Happy, smart, cunning and cute as a bugs ear to boot. My mother, her great grannie, gave her a bag of chocolate filled Vienna wafer type cookies last night. After she chewed on a couple she sat down at her mommas foot and while great grannie and I spied on her, she proceeded to open every single cookie, one at a time and eat the chocolate filling. She would then place the empty cookie slabs to the side, give a furtive upward glance at her mom, to see if she had been caught and then proceed to the next cookie. Needless to say, a half hour later her spring unwound! I chased her, flew her around the room and had a good time in general for about two hours. When they left for the evening the little girl was still going strong!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
The Shark Is Closing In
Last night I had dinner with the one whose name will never more be mentioned. After dinner she handed me a sheaf of papers. Paper in which she had done some accounting and figuring on. In the end we were 400 bucks apart in assets. Then she says she gets the house. What? The house that I cashed out my retirement to buy? The house I rehabbed from an open leaking shell to a nice home? The house that I used up what was left of my knee on? The house she deserted? The house that I occupy? That's the house she wants? I don't fucking think so. I have a few guns and some ammo up for sale trying to raise some money for a good lawyer. I have a guitar for sale too. I took some silver and sold it. I am really needing funds to reverse this travesty. If she gets her way I will be left homeless. A worn out pickup, a harley, my tools, guns and ammo. And no place to put them. And the lot of them won't add up to the price of a small foreclosed house. She suggests low income housing for me. Bullshit! How about she go into low income housing? I haven't seen low income housing that comes with a garage for all my stuff. I haven't seen low income housing that I would trust my stuff to be in. Things are not looking good for me.
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